Gun violence affects all of us, whether we were present for an act of violence, knew someone who was present, or just keep seeing stories about it in the news. Many of us feel overwhelmed with the weight of our feelings, and don’t know how to persevere in the face of these tragedies. Everyone reacts to grief and violence in different ways, so it is completely normal to wonder if your reactions or feelings are out of place. Keep in mind that many of us feel anxious, sad, angry, helpless, vulnerable, and scared as we keep hearing more and more stories about gun violence in our community.
If your feelings are preventing you from going to school, work, public spaces, or being around friends or family, there are people you can talk to who can help you understand and work through your feelings.
Find Someone to Talk to
While you may feel like talking through your feelings with someone else seems exhausting or intimidating, it doesn’t have to be. When you find the right person to talk to, you will feel relief, like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, clergy member, therapist, or psychologist, having a sounding board can help you get your feelings out rather than letting them keep rattling around in your head. Something to keep in mind when choosing to speak with a professional is that it may feel uncomfortable at first, but give it a few visits and it will get easier. If you still don’t feel comfortable with the professional you’ve chosen after a few visits, try someone new. The most important thing is that you are comfortable enough with this person that you can share your thoughts and feelings without fear.
Manage Your Expectations
Don’t expect to feel better by a certain date, or think that there is some appropriate grieving timeline to follow. Whatever your feelings are, you are allowed to feel them, and there is no expiration date you’re working towards or beholden to. It is normal to feel fine one day, and then feel bad again the next. Some people even cycle through these feelings hour by hour. If your feelings are keeping you from your regular life, however, it may help you to speak with a professional about how to get back to a functional, healthier state of mind. This won’t happen overnight, so go easy on yourself and realize that there may be setbacks.
Prioritize Your Physical & Mental Health
Whether your friends and family understand what you’re going through or not, you need to prioritize your physical and mental health. Don’t keep putting on a happy face for everyone or acting like you’re fine when you’re not. Take time and space to grieve, cry, and work through your feelings. Most people do feel that it’s easier to begin the healing process when they are also taking care of their primary needs, such as eating, sleeping, and exercising regularly. Many people also find comfort in speaking to a professional about their feelings so that they can learn healthy coping mechanisms that will help them get through the day.
Stop Doom Scrolling
With so many acts of violence happening around the country, one of the biggest issues people bring up lately is feeling the need to be glued to their phone for news. You may feel like you want to do something to work through your feelings, raise awareness, or help others, but can’t figure out exactly what. This may lead to doom scrolling, or scrolling through news feeds and social media feeds reading one sad story after another. This has the risk of compounding your feelings of sadness and helplessness. Try uninstalling social media and news apps from your phone, changing your phone’s screen time settings to cut you off after a certain period, or putting your phone in another room. It’s healthy to take a break from the news and try to focus on other things rather than fixating on distressing news stories.
Record Your Feelings
You may have heard people say that journaling, or writing down your daily thoughts and feelings, is beneficial for your mental health. It’s true that many people find writing in a journal to be calming, and it’s a great way to organize your feelings so that you aren’t agonizing over them throughout the day. If you don’t enjoy writing, however, then journaling may seem overwhelming or alienating to you. That’s fine – there are other ways to record your feelings without putting pen to paper. You can type them out on the notes app on your phone, send them to yourself in an email, make voice notes on your phone or computer, or even express your feelings through artwork. The main purpose of recording your feelings is to express them in a healthy, natural way so that you won’t just keep cycling through them in your head.
Find Moments of Calm
If you are talking to others about your feelings, taking care of your physical and mental health, and working through your feelings using a journal or art, you are taking amazing steps towards healing. One more way that you can stay balanced while grieving is to find moments of calm in each day. A moment of calm doesn’t need to be spent meditating or doing yoga, although those are both great tools. Your moment of calm can be spent reading a book, taking a walk or bike ride, taking a bubble bath, lying in a pool, or finding some other way to practice self-care. The most important thing about your moment of calm is that it is for you and you only, and it should be an activity that helps you find peace.
If you think talking about your feelings would be beneficial for you, or if you’re interested in finding more resources, contact us at Integrated Behavioral Health. We can help you find what works for you so that you can be present for your family, friends, and others. Please call us at 855-422-1618 for assistance or access to resources, or request an appointment online on our website. We also offer telehealth visits if you don’t yet feel ready to see someone in person.