How to Handle Family Dysfunction During the Holidays
Celebrating the holidays with family is supposed to be a cheerful occasion filled with laughter and joy. Let’s face it, though: Sometimes family gatherings can be unpleasant or downright stressful. During the holidays, some family members tend to poke fun at each other, argue about clashing beliefs, and let old tensions resurface.
You don’t want to skip the tradition of celebrating the holidays with family, but you also want to prioritize your mental health. It almost seems like a catch-22! Thankfully, there are ways to reduce family conflict during the holiday season. Follow these tips to make your next family gathering as enjoyable as possible!
Manage Your Expectations and Attitude Ahead of Time
If your aunt teases you every year for not being married yet, be realistic and don’t expect this year to be any different. In situations like this, having high expectations will just set you up for disappointment later on.
At the same time, do your best to have a positive attitude about the upcoming family gathering. Instead of thinking about how stressful it will be, focus on the parts you’re looking forward to. Maybe you’ll finally get to see your out-of-town relatives again, catch up with your favorite cousin, and eat some delicious homemade food. Having a positive mindset will help you feel less anxious about your family get-together.
Avoid Controversial Topics
Avoid bringing up potentially upsetting topics such as politics, religion, or relationship issues. By avoiding sensitive subjects while talking to your relatives, you’re better able to prevent tense conversations and arguments. If a family member brings up a controversial topic, try to change the subject in a polite way. If they’re persistent, take a break from the conversation and excuse yourself to take a breather outside or check if anyone needs a hand in the kitchen.
Suggest Lighthearted Activities
Do arguments typically break out when you and your relatives are sitting around, chatting, and drinking? If so, switch things up and suggest a fun activity that takes the focus off of each other. Playing a game, assembling a puzzle, or watching a lighthearted holiday movie are all great group activities to suggest.
Practice Emotional Intelligence
You can’t always control when a family member insults you, but you can control how you react to the situation. Instead of automatically reacting in a negative way, try practicing emotional intelligence. This involves staying aware of how you’re feeling, understanding why you’re feeling that way, and then mindfully choosing how you’d like to handle the situation.
Adjust Plans
Maybe your family has been celebrating the holidays a certain way for years, but that doesn’t mean you can’t adjust the plans a bit. Do your parents make you feel like a child when you spend the night at their house for the holidays? Make plans to stay at a nearby hotel instead. Does your uncle tend to have a few too many drinks and bring up politics at family gatherings? Try to avoid one-on-one interactions with him and sit far away from him at the dinner table.
Don’t Drink too Much Alcohol
Drinking too much alcohol can increase the chances of you saying or doing something that upsets someone else. It can also make you less likely to respond to upsetting situations in a levelheaded way. If you’re going to drink during the holidays, make sure you do so in moderation. You might also consider bringing along some festive non-alcoholic beverages like mulled apple cider or sparkling cranberry juice to provide other guests with alcohol-free refreshment options.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
If you’re feeling stressed out at a family get-together, but you can’t leave just yet, practice relaxation techniques to reduce your anxiety. When you start to feel overwhelmed, take five deep, slow breaths. Your breathing naturally gets shallower and quicker when you’re feeling anxious, so focusing on your breathing and slowing it down can make you feel much calmer.
If possible, put in some earbuds and listen to your favorite relaxing song as well. Music is powerful, so make sure you don’t pick a song that’s too melancholy. Choose one that melts away your anxiety and makes you feel more at peace with the world.
Another great way to feel more relaxed is to focus on the positives and practice gratitude. It can also be reassuring to put things into perspective by reminding yourself that this holiday only happens once a year, so you’ll be able to return to your normal routine soon.
Take a Break (or Several Breaks)
During family gatherings, it’s completely acceptable to excuse yourself from all the commotion and take some time for yourself. Tell your relatives that you need to use the restroom or that you’re going for a walk, then simply enjoy some alone time. Use these moments to unwind and restore your inner peace by practicing some of the relaxation techniques we mentioned earlier.
Consider Seeing a Therapist
It’s normal to feel more stressed out around the holidays, but if you’re having a tough time managing these feelings, therapy can help you get through it all. Here at Integrated Behavioral Health, our skilled therapists are committed to helping people improve their mental health. Our compassionate team addresses the unique needs of each patient at our six locations across Alabama. If you’re ready to take the next step towards improving your mental health, contact us and schedule an appointment today.